26 February 2011

5

ed ruscha inspired:

heavy industry

1
texas hairspray
on
ave, st

the
love chief

the cold beer, beautiful girls

americana

2
us
on the road
1984

us dirty
us
baby

brews truth

3
sex
as hope

your back
pretty eyes

4
honk
if you like
talk radio

twentysix gasoline
stations

thirtyfour
parking lots

5
wild
boy

silly america

i plead
i am crazy

6
annie’s
electric bills

her heavy
desire

he didn’t care

she did

7
every building
and

nine swimming pools

it’s okay
it’s only
los angeles

8
retro
spective

juice of the city

9
high

baby jet goes

noise
noiseless

10
the boulangerie
man knows

the sunset industry
is
the end

1 comment:

patrick sanchez said...

- problem lines / words for me…
on, the in the first section. This doesn't happen in any of the other sections and is really not great.

The second section, "truth", what truth? I'm not asking because I want to know what you mean… but because I don't think we can claim to give it… and it should be clear that this is the speaker. Perhaps we should consider it as spoken somehow… italics perhaps? I don't know. Just a thought.

I like #3 and think that there is a breath between sex / as hope… perhaps your black / pretty eyes could go between them? I feel as though they are between them, right? This is your point in a way?

I assume the numbers here (in#4) are references to Ruscha or your own interpretation of Ruscha's awareness of things like this…? I like the first stanza. It's a juxtaposition for me that is really identifiable, but perhaps not so much to others? I don't care. I like it.

5- my favorite of the piece.

6- i don't care about her heavy desire.

7- i don't care about nine swimming pools here either.

8- i think I've heard juice of the city before… or not. I think this section can go away.

9- this is beautiful in several ways. i read it as each of the first four words on their own line though.

10- is this the place in Logan Square? I'm confused!

This should go without saying… I'm only telling you what I think. You know my work though, and can take / leave what is important to you now. Also- feel free to direct me in a way to get better feedback. I'm open ears!